Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 6,300 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 5 trips to carry that many people.

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To begin with, track is my passion, my entire life.

I had never really want to give it up. And it had been a roller coaster ride since the fall in May 2003.  It was raining that day, and the staircase was kinda wet. I remembered wearing my new shoes – US Master (scream: MY FAVOURITE!!!) and I was talking to my friends. Didn’t quite pay attention to the steps. So instead of stepping onto one of the “steps”, my feet was 45degrees on one of the edge. That was it. I basically went: TOINK! TOINK! TOINK! Down the stairs. It was the most unglam thing ever. My skirt flared up (Obviously, I had wore shorts underneath!). In front of me was the 2 table tennis tables. Crowded with BOYS playing. THAT VERY MOMENT, I really wished I could dig a hole and hide!

And so that was it. Since it was recess time. I went back to class as per normal. only to reach home with a very swollen knee. Mummy was extremely worried and sent me to the chinese sinseh. It got well after a while. But it left me… with quite a lot of problems. I could still run my 100m and 4x100m without much issues and still get the Top3 spots. 2004, I was quite scared to compete because I was afraid to lose it due to my knee injury.  But thank god, we had a bronze for our relay event. Back then I was still having issues with my knee. I was in and out of SGH for checkups and X-Rays. I even did a MRI scan. I was given a All-Clear despite the pain I’m still having whether or not I’m running. And all the doctors said was -

It’s all in the mind. You have to get over it psychologically.

Besides those checks, I even went for physiotherapy – learning how to walk properly. My therapist – male even made a comment that he think I was more “chor-lor” than him. -.- And back then my walking was \/ instead of ||. Attempts to correct my way of walking didn’t quite go through until like 2008, it became \| . Every time I try to turn my knee inwards and to walk straight, it was hurt so freaking bad. It is only recently that I managed to walk || and it doesn’t quite hurt.

Back in 2007, while I was still at NgeeAnn, I couldn’t quite run my 2.4km during the NAPFA Test. I think I took more than 45mins to finish it. My knee started hurting when I was on my second round of run, probably the 600m mark. And I had ended up walking the rest of the 2km. By the time they kept the timer, I was still… on the track. =X

I had joined NgeeAnn Track in my attempt to continue my passion for track. But the knee doesnt quite listen to my heart nor my brain. Since my knee wasnt as good as before, the coach suggested I should do stamina training. 3.2km every training. But instead of running 3.2km, i was actually WALKING the 3.2km. Feeling demoralized, I decided to withdrew from the NP Track Team. That was 2006.

From 2006 to now, I had took part in TNP Big Walk, which was just 5km which I think was a gimmick. The markers was “strategically” placed instead of correctly placed. the first 1km seems like 400m and the last 400m seems like 1km. And I also took part in one of the SIM Red Cross Charity Run event. 4.7km in 45mins.

Looking at friends going for marathons runs somehow made me envious and miss track even more. Especially I took the time off to let my knee to recuperate fully. Mummy also cooked a lot of frog legs and pig trotters for me. And I decided, this is it. I’m gonna sign myself up for Standard Chartered Marathon. Since I had always pick 5km, why not be a little ambitious and go for 10km instead!

Months before the race, I had actually planned to train. But recently there had been so much things happened till I didn’t really had the mood nor the time to properly train myself for the race. I even got my shoes one month before the race, and I didnt wore it out to season it. I wore the new shoes straight for the race. (Crazy, but yes. I’m now with a 2cm wide blister – now raw skin). So is the arm band. I bought it just less than a week before the race.

When I woke up this morning, I was feeling a lil anxious and fidgety. Afterall, its my first competitive marathon and I’m doing it for myself . Naturally the stomach was feeling a lil excited too. Dropped by at City Link Mall’s toilet for a quick toilet break before the flag off. And by the time I crossed the underpass to Butter Factory and then to the start point, it was already 8.17am (flag off at 7.15am) And I see some 10km and 5km ppl are already on their way back to the finishing point. Then while I was after the 1km mark, my left calf muscles started to have this burning sensation. And actually before the race, my two feet were already having blisters.

Seriously at the point of time, I really feel damn demoralised. People are finishing and I have such a long journey ahead. Blisters, calf muscles hurting, my toes are getting a lil sore. I saw an old couple walking. The old man with a stick was holding on to his wife’s arm brisk walking for some distance. When I did my u-turn and reaching the 6km mark, I saw the oldman keeping his stick and decided to jog with his wife. Somehow that brighten my morning a lil. Then on two different occassions, I saw one auntie brisk walking, taking photo, really enjoying herself for the 10km run. And another whereby the dad was pushing a pram with his daughter sitting inside looking at ppl running.

Things got a lil bored when it was the 4km-7km mark. I started to people stare and start telling myself I will made it to the finish line. The pain, the blisters are all in the mind. And now looking back, I actually don’t feel THAT tired even after walking that 10km in under 2hrs.

I knew it was the final lap when I was soon back onto the Singapore River but this time on Fullerton Hotel’s side. The curve where all the photographers were all sitting on stools taking photos. And I was back on the bridge! And it all coming back to me now, just a year ago, I was one of those volunteers channeling the runners to be on the correct track to finish the race at the correct lane.

It was the final 150m. That was it, I cut through the crowd and really ran pass the finishing line. That was the moment nobody else in the world could understand – how much finishing this race could mean to you. You went through so much trouble, with all the knee problems, took a few years off track to recuperate and now you finished your first 10km competitive marathon race halved of your targeted timing.

I knew I need about 3 hours to walk about 11km. So I actually targeted to finish this race under 3 hours on the fact that I didn’t train at all for this race. And I managed to get it cleared in 1hr 39mins! Not a very fantastic timing, but its good enough for me, at least for a start. At least now I know how good/bad I am running 10km. When I have more time, I could train and aim to keep it under an hour. Now, that’s my next target. Cheer me on alright? =)

Track, I miss you baby!

He says: Yes. I am single but I am unavailable. I am not interested in a relationship now.

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I thought I was the one who had been interpreting your messages the way I wanted it to be.

I thought I could still harbour the hope that we can still be together again.

Not now, but probably some 5 or 10 years down the road.

I don’t know. But it hurts me everytime you try to push me away.

However strong I may appear to be on the outside, I’m entirely the opposite on the inside.

Why tell me that after three months, when you gave me so much to remember in just one month?

Read: One Month-sary > Here <

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I thought we are meant to fall in love with each other for at least the next 50 years together.

I thought we would head to the supermarket to get groceries after work and head home to cook our dinner together.

I thought we would have a child or two. You would dressed the boy up with Tottenham Spurs jersey, and I would dress my girl with Arsenal Gunners jersey. Then the four of us would watch all the soccer matches together and fight over which team would win the match.

I thought we would teach them all the good things we learnt from our parents and love them as much as we could. You and I spent our lives as an only child. We would never want them to feel the same as us.

I thought we would attend all our children’s graduation ceremonies, watched them fall in love and eventually moved out to build their own family.

I thought we would go on adventure trips like how we did when we started dating.

I thought we would help our children to take care of our grandchildren and we would tell them all the silly things we did when we were their age.

I thought we would hold each other hands tightly when we aren’t walking as steadily anymore.

I thought we would we would grow old together.

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Well, that’s what I thought.

But it turns out to be just a dream.

A dream that you jolted me out from. Just mere three months.

20 May 2011 to 31 August 2011.

It is obvious we both had mutual feelings for each other.

Is being friends the best solution?

“Let’s just be friends. It’s better this way. “- was all that you said, when I asked you the same question for the 2nd time.

Someone. Please freeze me. At least I could stay in this dream a little longer.

It’s hurting me.

If I am doing things that is out of the norm, please pardon me. =)

I came to realise I am not fine at all.

Why do I still feel the pain when we seem to lost contact?

Why do I feel like I am wasting myself?

Why am I crying myself to sleep every night?

Why do I have to resort to hard liquor to help me sleep?

Yes. Stress is back.

With a whole long string of gastric/mental disorders I gotta handle.

THIS IS SHIT.

OH FUCK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.